And I’m still breathing.
We’re just not going to talk about the Yankee game.
- entering a warm room after being out in the cold
- peeling off your socks after a long day
- the “boom” in your heart when you hear a firework explode
- having someone brush your hair
- the buzz of your fingers opening a package you had been waiting for
- writing with a new pen
- the funny feeling in your stomach when you see the sun outside your window and realize you’ve stayed up all night
"Deliver me in a black winged bird."
A few years ago, I was painting a lot of cartoonish silhouettes. Now this one makes me think of Brad every time I see it.
I unpacked some things around the apartment.I went grocery shopping. On my way home, I saw you walking with Bryce. I beeped. You both waved. That was the last time I saw you alive.
I spent time with Abby.
We were going to Walmart in the evening, but it was pouring so hard we turned around and headed back to my place. As we pulled up outside, the rain let up. We decided to go.
I drove home in the rain.
When I passed your house, you were already gone.
We didn’t know.
I went to bed.
I woke up early on the 20th to the sound of someone letting themselves in my front door. I unlocked the bedroom door and saw my parents standing in the hall.
They sat me down on my bed. They were crying.
My dad spoke.
"Kato. Bradley overdosed last night."
I said no. He cried.
My mom. “He’s gone.”
"No, no, no, no, no."
"There’s another part of this. Today is your bridal shower. It was supposed to be a surprise. Cheryl says you have to have it. Brad would have wanted something happy to happen today."
I called Keith at work. All I could say was “um.” Over and over again. I finally told him, but I don’t know how or what I said.
I cried in the shower.
I smiled through my bridal shower.
I went to Brad’s house and cried with our family.
I went to Winterclove for my surprise bachelorette party.
I laughed. I smiled. I cried some more.
This April 19th, I’ll remember. I’ll love. I’ll cry. I’ll laugh. I’ll smile.